literature

the Moon the Water and a Kiss

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mociru-raven's avatar
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Literature Text

I walked outside the door to my house and over to my car. I was going to go pick up my boyfriend Francis. I was finally go to tell him or more like show him something i kept hidden from everyone, after all it was a perfect night. The  moon was shining full and the stars many glittering lights around it. I was going to take him to the beach and have a late night pick-nick with him.

As i arrived at his house he stepped out side looking as lovely as ever. I used to hate him for everything he did but after a car accident i started to see things differently. I stopped seeing him as the man who stole away my life but as a man who also had everything stripped from his being. When he stepped inside the car he said hello. I greeted him with a kiss. When we parted he asked where we were going. I said to the beach. He gave me a questioning look but nothing more. I backed out of the driveway and drove towards the ocean.
When we got there i parked the car and pulled out the basket and blanket from the back and Francis put his coat on. We made our way over to a spot on the beach that was on a hill so that the tide would not get us wet. I set out the blanket and the food. I didn't bring much but i brought some nice french wine and bread. It is his favourite after all. After we at we sat and looked out at the ocean and the moon and stars. He then turned to me and asked. "Now that we are finished what did you bring me out here for Arthur?"
I looked at him and got up from my spot and extended my hand to him. He took it and got up. I led him out towards the water and he said. "Don't do anything cliche like make-out with me in front of the moon on a beach."
I smiled at him and told him to trust me then i started to pull him towards the water. He complained that his shoes would get wet but i just told him to trust me. I stepped out onto the water and stood above the calm ocean and held my hand out for him to take. He stood in his spot amazed but he did take my hand. He walked on the water with me and he asked "How are doing this?"
"I have a gift. A special gift. Given to me by the one that saved me." I answered.  He hugged me and i hugged back. He was crying and i let him hold me for as long as he needed. When he let go he said. "i just have two questions. The first one being, who was that saved you? And what was the condition on which they gave you your gift?" he had a dead serious look on his face.
"It was god who saved me and the only condition was that I have is that once i find someone like me how once sought out revenge for a lost one was to bring them here and tell them this so that they too may be saved. But that condition has been fulfilled and now we must depart this world to meet with the holy father."
He looked at me sadly but nodded his head. I kissed him one last time with a physical body as we both ascended to Heaven.    
i was watching a USUK video when the inspiration for this hit me. and i know that it is FrUk but still i think that it is very nice and short and i know i still need to finish my Least We Forget story too but i don't feel like right now so just wait ok... sorry.
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borishu's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

Its an extremely unique idea, Ill give you that! I love the concept of Arthur being an agent of god to help those on earth, however there are a few things I would fix. The first being the delivery. While you have a powerful storyline going on in the short story, its overall impact is lost, because the story reads more a list of scientific observations, stating only facts, instead of as a story. There should be more there to captivate, and make the flow of the story seem more natural, and not jerky. I suggest more colourful, whimsical, and descriptive words. Remember, its the little things in a story that make the biggest impact <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)"/>